MARK TWAIN
To ask a doctor's opinion of osteopathy is equivalent
to going to Satan for information about Christianity.
You can't depend on your judgment when your imag-
ination is out of focus.
The proper office of a friend is to side with you when
you are in the wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you
when you are in the right.
There is but one first thing to do when a man is
wounded and suffering: relieve him. If we have a curi-
osity to know his nationality, that is a matter of no conse-
quence, and can wait.
God's inhumanity to man makes countless thousands
mourn.
Of the demonstrably wise there are but two; those who
commit suicide, and those who keep their reasoning facul-
ties atrophied with drink.
The radical of one century is the conservative of the
next.
The radical invents the views. When he has worn them
out the conservative adopts them.
There has been only one Christian. They caught Him
and crucified Him early.
What God lacks is convictions—stability of character.
He ought to be a Presbyterian or a Catholic or some-
thing—not try to be everything.
If all men were rich, all men would be poor.
Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it will not
be allowed.
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